It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just invented taco cereal.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
