and you said cock pushups were impossible
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
