Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I can't put those talents on a resume
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
