So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
