i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
