i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
