My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
There's always time for handjobs
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
