a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
