Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
the raccoons are back...
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