The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
