M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
