Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
