dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
