I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
