Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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