You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
