I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
