I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
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