He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
