whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
