After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
