I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
