If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
