And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
third nipple confirmed
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
