I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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