You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
When are your genitals available?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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