How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
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I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
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GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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