we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
