I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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