woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
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Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
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i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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