That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
