i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
