Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
babies were throwing up all over the place
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
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