i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
