I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
