So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He passed out mid-signature
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
