and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
