I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
