he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
