The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
