Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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