I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
