Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
