STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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