I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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