Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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