there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
