so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
