It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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