He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
