I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Of course I have a pirate flag
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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