The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
