I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
