you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
