help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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