If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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