you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
