My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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