I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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