Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
