dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
