that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
