so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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