so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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