I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
