I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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