my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
