dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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