i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
